In the Dark Places

I saw this movie once about a fish trying to help another fish search the ENTIRE ocean for his son
(can't remember the son's name...Fabio? Harpo?) and there's this part where they come to a big, dark, trench. The one fish says to the other

"Something tells me we should go through it, not over it." (BAD trench!!)  

But the other fish remarks about how dark and scary it is and that they definitely should go OVER it, and they do. If you've seen this movie, you know how that decision turns out. How often do we come to trenches on the journey called life, and we just want to go over it; go around it? 

I'm talking about trials.

"He that endureth to the end, the same shall be saved." 2 Nephi 31-15

Neal A. Maxwell said,

"God has repeatedly said He would structure mortality to be a proving and testing experience...He has certainly kept his promise." "By taking Jesus' yoke upon us and enduring, we learn most deeply of Him and especially how to be like Him. Even though our experiences are micro compared to His, the process is the same."

Now, I haven't been through a lot yet in my 32 years, but I can attest to trying to endure with grace. With each of my pregnancies, I endured countless kidney infections, stones, surgeries and stents, and as an effect, preterm labor beginning as early as 12 weeks. All 3 children were born {healthy}around 32 weeks, and I had no complications-except for after my last child, Pepper, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. From her birth in 2011, until just over a year ago, I was in constant pain.

 It reached a climax in 2014 - with 4 kidney operations, 26 visits to the emergency room, and finally diagnosis of a rare congenital birth defect called Medullary Sponge Kidney. Meanwhile, our daughter (then age 3) was undergoing procedures for her Cerebral Palsy. It was definitely a trying time.

I'm in remission now with pain flare ups every now and then, but I will never forget how hard it was to not only endure that trial, but to attempt to do it with grace. It wasn't simply a physical test, but a very emotionally challenging 5 years. It affected our marriage, our finances, and our children. It WAS indeed a trial for our whole family. Many times I wished and prayed to be done with it-even if that would mean the end of my time here on earth. 

"If certain mortal experiences were cut short, it would be like pulling up a flower to see how the roots are doing. Too many anxious openings of the oven door, and the cake falls instead of rising. Endurance is more than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance; it is not only acceptance of the things allotted to us, it is to 'act for ourselves' by magnifying what is allotted to us."

I think, for me, one of the most challenging aspects of trials is trusting God's timing. Obviously He knows more than we do, and he obviously has an incredible plan for us, so why is it so difficult to trust his timing?

Is his watch running slow? Did the Radio Shacks in heaven also go out of business?

Now, in retrospect, I can see how perfectly orchestrated my healing was, and that it began at just the right moment.

"Just like the prodigal son, we often need the process of time to come to our spiritual senses. In time, generosity can replace animosity. Reflection can bring perception. But reflection and introspection require time." 

I recently read a little anecdote on Facebook of a scene in a dollar store of a mom shopping with her children. The toddler in the cart was upset, crying and throwing an all-out tantrum. The mother handed him a glow stick to try to keep him quiet, and it worked. Then his older brother took the glow stick from his hands, which started the tantrum all over again. When the boy handed the glow stick back, it was now lit up and actually glowing. The boy told his brother that he had to break it and make it glow - to make it way better than it was unbroken.

In Great Expectations, Olivia Haversham says,

"I have been bent and broken, hopefully into a better shape." 

Something else that can have a major impact on our ability to endure well, is having the love and support of others. Our fellow church members came to our rescue during our darkest hours, bringing meals, taking me to the hospital, babysitting, and praying continually. 

"Will we have the same perceptive tolerance for those being wrenched by trials? When, for the moment, we ourselves are not being stretched on a particular cross, we ought to be at the foot of someone else's - full of empathy and proffering spiritual refreshment."

Having perspective can also help us gracefully endure the refiner's fire. My favorite southern preacher said it perfectly:

"We all go through situations in life that we don't understand. All of us, at some time will go through dark places. It's easy to get discouraged - give up on your dreams and just settle there. But God uses the dark places. They are all a part of His divine plan. Think of it like a seed. A seed cannot germinate in the light. As long as a seed stays up on a shelf, it will never become what it was created to be. You have to plant the seed in the soil, in the dark place, so that what's on the inside will come to life. 

In the same way, there are seeds in you; dreams, goals, potential, that will only come to life in a dark place."

 "If you study the scriptures, every single person who did something significant went through a dark place. In those dark places is where we really grow. That's where our character is developed. We learn to trust , to persevere, our spiritual muscles are getting stronger. In the dark places, you pray more. You draw closer to God. You get quiet and listen to what he's saying. You may not realize it, but in the dark, you're being blessed. Something's happening on the inside. It's helping you to realign your vision. God is doing something that can only happen in the fire of affliction. There are some things you can only learn in the dark places. It may be uncomfortable, you may not like it, but it's working for you. You're getting stronger. He's developing something that you could only get, in the dark. You cannot reach your highest potential being in the light all the time: No adversity, no problems, nobody coming against you...That sounds good, but it will stunt your growth. He hasn't forgotten you. You may be alone, it may not be easy, you may not understand it, but FAITH is trusting God when life doesn't make sense." 

"Have a new perspective. The dark places are opportunities to grow. You're not there by accident! If God wasn't going to use that for your good, he would have never allowed it. You may not understand it, it may not make sense, but God knows what He's doing!"(Joel Osteen, In the Dark Places) 

Indeed, He does. I know absolutely, without a doubt, he's got your back. Give over your will to Him, and 

 JUST KEEP SWIMMING!

**all unattributed quotes are from Neal A. Maxwell's LDS General Conference talk "Endure it Well"