When I Say "We homeschool", it's Not What You're Thinking

Be sure to read part one of this post, "Why We Homeschool"

School At Home Begins

I did a curriculum research before enrolling the boys in an online public charter school that uses the K12 program for its curriculum. We were all excited when the boxes arrived with laptops, books, science kits and art supplies. We had a teacher who met with us once a month to help us make sure we were meeting standards and keeping the boys up in the system.

 I was super excited. I got to play school and I thought the boys could just mark off their daily assignment checklists and we'd be golden. It went NOTHING like I had planned. The only thing they didn't fight me on was the literature section. We read really fun fables and trickster tales and discussed them. We all enjoyed it. But everything else was a huge battle with them. I was so frustrated. I had thought this would be engaging for them. I couldn't get them to sit down at the table and write their name on their worksheets without tears. Sometimes theirs, often mine. I had to coerce, bribe and nag at them to work. The learning felt fragmented. I started to wonder why the math couldn't be integrated with the science, or even the history with the literature. It just would have made more sense! It was so ABSTRACT! Things weren't going well. Actually, I was about to have a complete emotional breakdown, so I started to search for a different curriculum. (MORE about that HERE!) That's when a Facebook friend, who I will always be indebted to, mentioned something called A Thomas Jefferson Education, or Leadership Education. 

A Paradigm Shift of Epic Proportions

For the next year, I battled back and forth between trying to keep up with the public school conveyor belt and trying to figure out this Leadership Education thing, also while still managing my business from home. Finally, after months of reading books on education and researching TJED, as well as learning about something called "Unschooling," it started to click for me. It was a very slow process, but the more I learned, the more right it felt.

Leadership Education, or TJED, is a methodology based on principles, not a curriculum. There are 8 "keys" (principles) and if followed, you are setting up your family for a different kind of education than that of our modern system. The keys, in short, are:

Classics not textbooks
Mentors, not professors
Inspire, not require
Structure time, not content
Quality, not conformity
Simplicity, not complexity
You, not them
Secure, not stressed


It was SOOO hard for me to understand at first. (I'm talking about a year here people!) This is a LIFESTYLE, a way of living. I had to let go of "the way things are" and accept that I would be taking a completely radical path, the road less traveled.

We'd be going rogue.

I studied how children learn. I prayed. I studied "Unschooling", "De-schooling", "World Schooling" and "Hack-Schooling." I read books. A LOT of books. I prayed some more.  I learned about the history of education. I prayed and I cried. I read John Taylor Gatto's Dumbing Us Down (I got ANGRY), Passion Driven Education by Connor Boyack, A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver Demille, Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning by Oliver and Rachel Demille and more. I listened to audiobook classics such as Laddie, Understood Betsy, Anne of Green Gables, Pride and Prejudice, Fahrenheit 451, and Les Miserables. (unabridged, holy crap. The accomplishment of the YEAR, people!)

No more textbooks, no more worksheets, no more trying to keep up with someone else's curriculum, and no more "keeping up" at all. It meant stepping off the 'conveyor belt' that is our culture's education system and delving into something completely foreign to us. Or is it?

Learning is Organic

We are now one year into implementation of the principles. Last October, after Dave settled into his new career, I was finally able to phase out our photography business for a while and delve into my own education along with my children's. We rearranged our home to be conducive to learning, creativity, reading, engaging, and discussion. We limited screens to a less common area of our home and completely decluttered. Instead of grade levels, we build on phases of learning. They are not based on age.

 There are 4 basic phases;  CORE, LOVE OF LEARNING, SCHOLAR and MISSION. We all needed to go back to core phase to start. Core phase means family work, playing games together, reading and studying classics together, playing, exploring, and learning basic principles. In core phase, we learned how to be a family and how to work together and play together, and how to love learning again.  We essentially had to "de-school" for a few months.

Jared, 11, is in Love Of Learning phase.

 It's been mind-blowing watching a kid who despised learning and anything educational delve into interest after interest (on his own!) and create projects and read books I NEVER thought I would see him reading! He is currently obsessed with the US Presidents, and he's studied Lincoln and JFK, in depth. He is fascinated by "Who shot JFK" and knows about all the various conspiracy theories surrounding the event, as has formed his own opinion.

 I have a feeling that Scholar phase is just around the corner for him, and I am so excited!

Ashton, 10, is still playing around with Love of Learning phase and, for a time, I'll admit that I worried about him. 

"All he cares about is Legos, chickens, and Goosebumps books. Will he ever transition to Love of Learning?"

But, I just keep reading great books to him, I keep looking for ways to inspire him and letting him be his interesting self. Last week he ran up to me excitedly and exclaimed: "I just finished Moby Dick!" (I wanted to say "Moby WHAT?! What is this trash you're reading?!?" Get it? Matilda reference? 🤓) He was so excited and he knew I'd be too. And I was. Yeah, it was the children's adaptation, but it's a gateway drug;) Then he ran off outside to play Captain Ahab with his brother and *spoiler alert* everyone died, except for Ishmael.

I LOVE this. It has been worth those moments of uncertainty and every day in between.

Math, Literature, Science, History, Geography etc are all intertwined. We don't separate them. I'm not training my children to take tests, fill in bubbles and memorize dates to pass a test. We read great classics together. We just finished reading a math classic and suddenly math has so much more meaning to us! They read on their own, sometimes very late into the night! We have incredible discussions. We go down "rabbit trails" and sometimes get lost in them for an entire day! We discuss life mission, freedom, and purpose. We get crazy passionate about just about everything. We try to have family meetings and one-on-one mentor meetings every week. We set goals, we plan, and we dream. We make mistakes. We learn from them. We get messy! Oh, the messes.

Pepper, 6, is dabbling in learning how to read, and not because anyone decided that she's 6 and it's time for her to do so. She decided on her own that she wants to read and I was there to help her when she made that decision.

You guys, this feels so natural!! This feels like it's "the way things are supposed to be"! I have everything I need within myself to assist these genius little people in the education they truly need to find and fulfill their life purpose, whatever it may be! If achieving their life mission involves getting a degree, then they will work to be able to pass the SAT test to get there. If it is to be an entrepreneur, they will be set up to accomplish whatever it is they want to do. I am a facilitator. My husband and I are their main Mentors, and if there is something they want to learn or do that isn't within my wheelhouse, I will help them find the right mentor.

There are commonwealth groups all over the country who live and support this methodology, and we found ours. Every Wednesday we meet up with a fantastic group down in San Diego and the children and youth separate into groups based on their learning phase, rather than age. The boys are in a 'transition to scholar' group and they are doing a "tour of the US" and having a blast learning about the states and capitals. Pepper is in a love of learning group and they learn US history through fun experiments, art, science, and even math. They love it because they are inspired to do it, not required.

There is also a Facebook discussion group that is packed full of help, support, and inspiration. That group has been key for me.

It took a whole 'lotta FAITH

This new way of living takes not just one step in the dark, but step after step, trusting my instincts, praying for guidance, and seeking my own mentors in the process. You bet I have doubts. Yep, I have fears, and at times I downright question my sanity. But I keep going; I keep trusting that what we are doing is absolutely the right thing. I get these moments of clarity that burst from the darkness, and in those moments I find the strength and courage I need to keep going and keep trusting the process. 

I've learned that, as a society, we rely too heavily on the opinions of the "experts" and we are constantly looking to others for permission or approval when we actually have everything we need within us. You are smarter, braver, more creative and more GENIUS than you think you are. 

Maybe your kids are keeping up in school and doing fine; This probably doesn't resonate with you. That's okay. Each family is unique and what works for us won't work for everyone. I also get it that not everyone is a situation that allows for them to have their kids home.  Just keep in mind that they have genius within them too. They were born with God-given mission and purpose and their interests and passions are given to them to lead them to their careers and missions in life. A great education will help them get there, but without their own passions and interests involved, what is it all for? Why do you think so many people go through mid-life crisis? 

If my kids hadn't struggled so much in school, I know I would not have taken this path, so I understand that there are going to be those of you that don't get it. That's okay. I also don't know if I would have discovered my own passion and purpose in the way that I have. I always thought I would have to go back to college to get the education I have been craving, but I'm getting it right here, right now, and inspiring my children in theirs every day. 

Sure, we have bad days. We have days when I don't feel like we are "doing enough" and I start to slip back into 'conveyor belt' brain. But we keep going and I keep finding ways to inspire learning, usually through my own learning. I course correct, if needed, and carry onward. Then the really really great days come and they verify that we are absolutely on the right track! This is a journey.

When I say "I 'homeschool'" and you tell me that you aren't cut out for that, or that you could never do that, I will laugh and tell you that I'm not either, and I couldn't either. Trust me. I tried bringing public school home. It was misery. Why would I bring a system that is one-size-fits-all into my home and try to replicate it? It doesn't make sense! If I need to make a batch of cookies, I don't need a factory bakery conveyor belt system installed to get the job done. What I have in my kitchen will do the trick just fine, and maybe even better. Store-bought cookies, or fresh home-baked cookies? It's pretty simple. 

So, to those of you who've had the feeling that your child deserves better...Those of you who have watched your children diagnosed with a learning disability and struggle to "keep up" with their peers...those of you who have considered homeschool but have hesitated because of money/fear/uncertainty/lack of a teaching degree/lack of organization/lack of discipline/etc/etc. I am here to tell you that it is more than possible. It feels more organic and natural than anything I have ever experienced before in my life. You aren't alone in this. The number of families taking this path is growing every year. You can have a better home and family life. You can inspire your children to learn to love learning in an organic, holistic way and achieve WHATEVER their hearts are pulling them to do! It is a thrilling, vibrant, exciting journey that I am so glad we struggled into!